Bob and I went to see mom and dad. While we were there the pastor from St. Peter (the town’s LC-MS church mom and dad were considering joining) was going to be doing worship at the nursing home, including communion. Dad suggested that we go with mom. In all honesty, the idea didn’t excite me much, but the idea of going to communion with mom was a good one. From the start I had my doubts that they would serve me – I know their ‘qualifications’ and I don’t qualify. I am a woman, an ordained pastor. But I also thought, hoped that maybe things could be a little looser in a nursing home setting. We gathered in the chapel/theater. There was a great amount of energy around making sure everyone could hear, plugging in of mics and other sound devices. That seemed very hospitable. The pastor seemed quite nice. We sang Christmas carols and the sermon was quite good, in fact, it felt like home. The words of the liturgy were from The Lutheran Hymnal, p. 15. At first I was annoyed, but quickly realized that that was not only what they are probably still using at St. Peter’s, but more importantly, it is what the residents know. Anyways, time for communion came. Before hand, Viola had asked dad if was going to take communion. She never asked me. A bad sign. For the distribution we all stayed seated and the pastor and Viola began making the rounds. They served a small group on my right, including my mom, and then they walked behind me and served a small group on my left, including my dad. There was no indication that I even existed. My mom wondered why I wasn’t served with her, but I was able to convince her it was alright. For her sake I was glad she wasn’t really aware of what had just happened. When they didn’t serve me with my dad’s side he looked at me and raised his eyebrows. At the end of the service the pastor said how nice it was have me join with them along with some other small talk. Mostly I had all kinds of snarky remarks floating through my head. I was a bit shocked, even though I wasn’t surprised. I was hurt. It is never fun to be excluded. And I surely was. Quite blatantly. Amazingly, actually. All the theological stuff ran through my head which at the time I boiled down to wanting to ask the pastor exactly what he had hoped to accomplish by doing that. Of course it was upholding purity (of something or other), but what’s the point of that. What does that even mean and what’s the point of the Gospel anymore if that is the case. But perhaps for me there was a bigger irony and hurt. I remember as a little girl going to St. Peter’s with my grandma to help with her Altar Guild duties. While she worked I was able to explore the chancel and go in places I never could otherwise go into. The pulpit. Close to the HOLY altar. Behind the communion rail. I especially remember the red carpeting. And it was really neat. I always felt moved/inspired/called(?) when that happened. And then to have that same church turn me away because of the way I have followed that call is incredibly ironic. And painful. All for the sake of purity. I don’t know if my grandma ever knew how neat that was for me. And how now I think of it as a bonding time and this has made me think of it as an early time when I ‘heard’ the call. I might have a conversation with the pastor (I don’t even know his name). Maybe. I’m pretty sure it would be pointless, except for maybe causing him to think for one second a little bit about the implications of upholding purity. Where was the grace? Where was the pastoral care? Where was Jesus’ message in all of that? WWJD? I did want to tell him I have prayed with Muslims and that they pray in my office all the time. And that those have been some of the most sacred moments of prayer I can remember. I’d tell him purely for the shock value. I don’t know if I’ll follow through on a conversation, but maybe. I have a feeling my dad has already given him a call. Original journal entry date: 1/8/09 ©2019 Jane Buckley-Farlee All rights reserved.
12 Comments
Kathy Reitz Brown
2/20/2019 12:17:37 pm
Had a similiar experience when my Grandmother died. Her death gathered many family and we attended my Grandfather's church. Several other aunts, uncles, and cousin's also were members at this Wisconsin Synod church. It was Communion Sunday. Pastor told us he was glad we were there to worship but those of us that were not members of the Wisconsin Synod could not attend. It hurt us all...we were family and members of God's family, but were not welcome to share The Meal together.
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Jane Buckley-Farlee
2/21/2019 08:08:48 am
Thanks for sharing, Kathy. And thanks for reading my blog.
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Michael
2/20/2019 12:55:33 pm
Now In Poland I’m staggered by the convoluted history of occupation, alternating indoctrinations,ever changing languages and then the resilience in the face of harsh historical slights and worse they have suffered. I’m deeply moved by powerful personal conversations each day noting that pain and then cheered by the resilience I hear. I am greatful you remind me of that same pain and response so close to home. Thank you.
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Dennis Remenschneider
2/20/2019 01:56:16 pm
You and the community of Trinity have been living into what it means to truly be a community of the Holy One. You and I and the community of Seminex have experienced a taste of this reign of God in the ecumenical outpouring we experienced in St. Louis. The community of Trinity has taken being in community to another
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Jane Buckley-Farlee
2/21/2019 08:10:55 am
Thanks, Dennis. God's realm is everywhere, I believe. Sometimes in the least expected places. If we pay attention we might see it once in a while.
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Raymond Spack
2/20/2019 05:05:47 pm
In the fall of 1979 I was in the CPE program at the University of MN Hospital, about the same time you were Jane. As CPE residents, we were invited to attend a worship service at a Lutheran Church in St. Paul. I was surprised when it turned out to be a communion service. As a Catholic priest, I was aware of the Church's teaching against inter-communion. I sat in the front pew struggling internally whether to pass on communion or join with my fellow residents in the spirit we shared. It wasn't someone else denying me shared Eucharist, it was my own inner sense of legalism. I decided in favor of the spirit of Jesus' teachings rather than those of Canon Law. From that moment on I felt a new sense of freedom. The communion experience was the first in several liberating decisions in my life. As an old man I remain grateful to have come to a vision of life as a process. Challenging and painful experiences have sometimes been the catalysts for a deeper understanding and ultimately the sense of acceptance of all God's children. That mindset of inclusivity is still not accepted by my Catholic faith, nor is it in the practice of many religious or civic institutions. I am saddened by that but I will not let it diminish my belief that Jesus embraced all who came to him.
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Jane Buckley-Farlee
2/21/2019 08:16:33 am
Thanks, Ray. It seems we have a choice - to use painful experiences for growing or not. Keep choosing to grow!
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Christopher Hoyer
2/21/2019 05:15:49 am
Thanks for this important reprinted recollection. A recent post by Michael Krentz reminded Doris and me that February 19 marked the anniversary of the "Walk Out" at 801 - can it be/45 years ago?! It is a reminder that our inclination to exclude is more than painful ... it is sinful ... and a pervasive/unoriginal sin-full-ness at that. I pray that difficult memories such as these may drive us to the holy inclusivity of the cross of Jesus again and again and keep us "everlastingly at" being faithful to our calling and faithful to our Lord.
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Jane Buckley-Farlee
2/21/2019 08:18:47 am
Thanks, Christopher. Yes, may we all work towards the radical welcome and inclusivity that Jesus demonstrated as God's intent for all of us.
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Bill Hasse
2/21/2019 06:21:30 pm
Cousin Jane: I remember hearing this story from my Uncle Ted (your Dad) before he died. It was a significant memory for him also. I have not been part of the Lutheran Church for decades, so I am not current with discussion but we have similar issues in the Roman Catholic church. WWJD indeed! Stay warm. Think snow load.
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Tom Hahn
3/15/2019 12:39:59 pm
I am so sorry that someone, who has been called to share the Grace of God with the world, chose to withhold that Grace from you,---and all in the name of "purity." To withhold God's Pure Gospel from anyone is a travesty and is the farthest thing from "purity." I am so sorry that the denomination in which I serve has chosen to exclude, rather than include. I am still hoping (against all hope??)---that this will all someday change,---if not here,---then, certainly in Eternity. Until it is changed,---I will continue to do my part,---however small it may be,---to make it so. Keep fighting the good fight---and living out the Graceful Gospel of Jesus!
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Jane Buckley-Farlee
3/20/2019 01:05:09 pm
Thanks, Tom. Every little bit helps.
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AuthorAt less than 4'11'' a pastor and the congregation she serves practice radical hospitality in a primarily Muslim neighborhood. Archives
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